How to Destroy Your Marriage (Without Even Trying)
Yesterday, while you and I were folding laundry or watching Hoarders, nine Americans were killed by distracted drivers. Another 1,161 were injured, some terribly.
Today the cycle will repeat itself: Nine more people will die .... needlessly. Over 1,100 more will be injured or maimed .... needlessly. Lives and families changed forever.
The culprit?
A text or tweet that just had to be sent.
The “It Can Wait” campaign was launched in 2010 — to save lives and prevent injuries caused by distracted drivers.
Their slogan made me think of my marriage. (And maybe yours.)
There were lots of things that just had to get done when I was married. You know the list. Yours is probably similar. Looking back, I can't recall what any of those things were, of course, but at the time, they just couldn't wait. So, I dutifully attended to all the items on my URGENT list, while “Strengthen my marriage” languished alongside “Plan a vacation” and “Have my heart checked” on a different list labeled I'LL GET TO THAT LATER.
Later never came.
Neither did the opportunity to make up for lost time with my wife.
Later never comes. Especially when we're slaves to the urgent.
A few years ago, pastor Ken Groen gave this sage and timeless advice to a friend, an admitted workaholic:
“Urgent things shout, important things whisper. Listen to the whispers.”
The stories we tell ourselves
Astonishingly, 77% of young adults are “very confident” or “somewhat confident” they can safely text and tweet while driving. Despite the statistics. Despite the science. Despite the facts.
- “I'll be fine”
- “I can drive and text at the same time”
- “I've never had an accident”
- “Knock on wood”
That was me:
- “We'll be fine”
- “All couples drift apart occasionally”
- “Deep down we love each other”
- “Things will get better somehow”
Sound familiar?
Time to reexamine our stories.
In the article, “Building a Great Sex Life is Not Rocket Science,” John Gottman cites a recent study of 30 young couples with less-than-satisfactory sex lives. The researchers found that most of the couples:
- Spend very little time together during the week
- Become job-centered (him) and child-centered (her)
- Talk mostly about their huge to-do lists
- Make everything but their relationship a priority
- Drift apart and lead parallel lives
We're a nation of marriages drowning in busyness and misplaced priorities. We would do well to heed the words of German poet and playwright Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe: “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least."
It can wait
Do yourself and your family a massive favor: Grab your weekly to-do list and write “IT CAN WAIT” in bold letters across the top. The dry cleaning can wait. The business trip can wait. That important email can wait. Refinishing the deck can wait. Checking the weekend surf report can wait.
What can't wait?
Is your marriage on that list?
Then do something about it right now. Clear your schedule. Plan a date night. Make a dinner reservation. Attend a couples conference. Hire a marriage coach.
Later never comes.
But predictable outcomes always do. Even the ones we had hoped to avoid or outsmart.
Today, I live differently. I ride my skateboard during my lunch break. I take vacations. I have my heart checked.
And when it comes to spending quality time with someone I love, I toss my to-do list aside and say, “F it. It can wait.”
Questions for a strong + sexy marriage
- What's one thing you can do today to move in your spouse’s direction? To bring sexy back. To make your marriage a priority again. Not two things, not three things. Just one.
- What about the longer game? Your marriage might need more serious attention. Plan a weekend getaway or sign-up for a couples conference or hire a marriage coach. Do it now.
- How can you build time into your schedule to hear life's whispers? Maybe it's writing in a journal, developing a meditation practice, or going for long walks in nature.
- Everything else? It can wait.
Quotes worth pondering
- “Spend time with those you love. One day you'll either say, I wish I had, or I'm glad I did.” (Zig Ziglar)
- “It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” (Henry David Thoreau)
For greater oomph
- Read Chapter 5. You can download it for free below.
Get “Better Sex Guarantee #1
(plus a bonus chapter) from the
Amazon best-selling book
Get 2 free chapters
of Wife Magnet
Move your marriage from cold-and-distant to close-and-intimate. I'll teach you how to win her heart back!
About the Author
Jeff is a passionate speaker and coach known for his obsession with helping men build strong and sexy marriages. He's a full-time dad, outdoor enthusiast, and raving fan of all things kombucha. When he's not oversharing on Facebook, you can find him in the mountains, the ocean, or Whole Foods.
"He's stepped into the core of a woman." (ELIZABETH NEARY)
"It's like he was in my head the entire time!" (SHANNON RAYMOND)
"Guys, if you want to understand your wife, this is it!" (ANNY RUCH)
To the wife who feels alone in her marriage:
This isn't OK. You're turning into stone. You've had to stop caring when he looks at you, smiles at you, or says something kind. You've had to accept the reality of being invisible so it won't hurt so much.
How much longer can you do this?!
I have great news — Filing for divorce and fracturing your family isn't the only other option. I have a proven strategy to transform your current marriage into one that's sexy, fun, close, and intimate!
Click the button below to learn more.
Subscribe to blog
Have Jeff's latest content delivered straight to your inbox. Bringing sexy back has never been easier.
How to Destroy Your Marriage (Without Even Trying)
Yesterday, while you and I were folding laundry or watching Hoarders, nine Americans were killed by distracted drivers. Another 1,161 were injured, some terribly.
Today the cycle will repeat itself:
Nine more people will die ... needlessly. Over 1,100 more will be injured or maimed ... needlessly. Lives and families changed forever.
The culprit?
A text or tweet that just had to be sent.
The “It Can Wait” campaign was launched in 2010 — to save lives and prevent injuries caused by distracted drivers.
Their slogan made me think of my marriage. (And maybe yours.)
There were lots of things that just had to get done when I was married. You know the list. Yours is probably similar. Looking back, I can't recall what any of those things were, of course, but at the time, they just couldn't wait. So, I dutifully attended to all the items on my URGENT list, while “Strengthen my marriage” languished alongside “Plan a vacation” and “Have my heart checked” on a different list labeled I'LL GET TO THAT LATER.
Later never came.
Neither did the opportunity to make up for lost time with my wife.
Later never comes. Especially when we're slaves to the urgent.
A few years ago, pastor Ken Groen gave this sage and timeless advice to a friend, an admitted workaholic:
“Urgent things shout, important things whisper. Listen to the whispers.”
The stories we tell ourselves
Astonishingly, 77% of young adults are “very confident” or “somewhat confident” they can safely text and tweet while driving. Despite the statistics. Despite the science. Despite the facts.
- “I'll be fine”
- “I can drive and text at the same time”
- “I've never had an accident”
- “Knock on wood”
That was me:
- “We'll be fine”
- “All couples drift apart occasionally”
- “Deep down we love each other”
- “Things will get better somehow”
Sound familiar?
Time to reexamine our stories.
In the article, “Building a Great Sex Life is Not Rocket Science,” John Gottman cites a recent study of 30 young couples with less-than-satisfactory sex lives.. The researchers found that most of the couples:
- Spend very little time together during the week
- Become job-centered (him) and child-centered (her)
- Talk mostly about their huge to-do lists
- Make everything but their relationship a priority
- Drift apart and lead parallel lives
We're a nation of marriages drowning in busyness and misplaced priorities. We would do well to heed the words of German poet and playwright, Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe: “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”
It can wait
Do yourself and your family a massive favor: Grab your weekly to-do list and write “IT CAN WAIT” in bold letters across the top. The dry cleaning can wait. The business trip can wait. That important email can wait. Refinishing the deck can wait. Checking the weekend surf report can wait.
What can't wait?
Is your marriage on that list?
Then do something about it right now. Clear your schedule. Plan a date night. Make a dinner reservation. Attend a couples conference. Hire a marriage coach.
Later never comes.
But predictable outcomes always do. Even the ones we had hoped to avoid or outsmart.
Today, I live differently. I ride my skateboard during my lunch break. I take vacations. I have my heart checked.
And when it comes to spending quality time with someone I love, I toss my to-do list aside and say, “F it. It can wait.”
Questions for a strong + sexy marriage
- What's one thing you can do today to move in your spouse’s direction? To bring sexy back. To make your marriage a priority again. Not two things, not three things. Just one.
- What about the longer game? Your marriage might need more serious attention. Plan a weekend getaway or sign-up for a couples conference or hire a marriage coach. Do it now.
- How can you build time into your schedule to hear life's whispers? Maybe it's writing in a journal, developing a meditation practice, or going for long walks in nature.
- Everything else? It can wait.
Quotes worth pondering
- “Spend time with those you love. One day you'll either say, I wish I had, or I'm glad I did.” (Zig Ziglar)
- “It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” (Henry David Thoreau)
For greater oomph
- Read Chapter 5. You can download it for free below (plus bonus chapter!)
Get 2 free chapters
of Wife Magnet
Move your marriage from cold-and-distant to close-and-intimate. I'll teach you how to win her heart back!
About the Author
Jeff is a passionate speaker and coach known for his obsession with helping men build strong and sexy marriages. He's a full-time dad, outdoor enthusiast, and raving fan of all things kombucha. When he's not oversharing on Facebook, you can find him in the mountains, the ocean, or Whole Foods.
"He's stepped into the core of a woman." (ELIZABETH NEARY)
"It's like he was in my head the entire time!" (SHANNON RAYMOND)
"Guys, if you want to understand your wife, this is it!" (ANNY RUCH)
To the wife who feels alone in her marriage:
This isn't OK. You're turning into stone. You've had to stop caring when he looks at you, smiles at you, or says something kind. You've had to accept the reality of being invisible so it won't hurt so much.
How much longer can you do this?!
I have great news — Filing for divorce and fracturing your family isn't the only other option. I have a proven strategy to transform your current marriage into one that's sexy, fun, close, and intimate!
Click the button below to learn more.
Subscribe to blog
Have Jeff's latest content delivered straight to your inbox. Bringing sexy back has never been easier.