Why Husbands Should Touch Their Wives More

Why Husbands Should Touch Their Wives More

Physical touch between couples is beneficial for a number of reasons, and now we have scientific proof pain relief  is one of them. A recent study out of the University of Colorado Boulder shows that holding hands with your partner reduces pain.


Reduces pain!


The study stemmed from the real-life experience of neuroscientist and lead researcher, Pavel Goldstein. During his wife's labor and delivery of their daughter, he found that when he held her hand, her labor pains eased off. “My wife was in pain, and all I could think was, ‘What can I do to help her?’ I reached for her hand and it seemed to help,” he recalls. “I wanted to test it out in the lab: Can one really decrease pain with touch, and if so, how?”


The 22 couples enlisted for the study had been together for at least a year. Researchers monitored their brain waves while they were put through a series of scenarios — sitting in separate rooms, sitting together but not touching, and sitting together holding hands. Each scene was repeated while mild heat pain was applied to the forearm of the female participant. 


When the couples were in the same room, whether or not they were touching, their brain waves synchronized. This syncing was the strongest when the pair were holding hands and the woman was in pain. When they weren't holding hands, the brain wave syncing declined and her pain intensified.


Goldstein explained to CU Boulder Today: “It appears that pain totally interrupts this interpersonal synchronization between couples, and touch brings it back.


The study revealed another remarkable finding: When the man was more empathetic to his partner's pain, the syncing increased and her pain subsided even further.


“You may express empathy for a partner's pain, but without touch it may not be fully communicated,” Goldstein said.


I wanna hold your hand


Today's lesson:


Sitting on the same couch isn't enough.


Having dinner at the same table isn't enough.


Sleeping in the same bed isn't enough.


She needs you to touch her.


To hold her.


You.


You have healing hands.


Miracle-working hands.


Literally!


Your touch matters.


Holding her hand ... rubbing her shoulders ... giving her a long hug ... matters!


When your wife shares her pain with you — whether it's physical or emotional — she's not making small talk.


She's opening the door and inviting you in.


She's inviting you to move in her direction. To go deeper as a couple. To build greater bonds of trust and intimacy.


Now is not the time to run off. Now is not the time to check your phone. Now is the time to be present. Now is the time to listen with empathy.


Now is the time to hold her like you mean it.


So ...


Touch her.


Hold her.


As early and often as possible. Especially when she's in distress.


“And when I touch you I feel happy ... inside.”


Lennon & McCartney were onto something.


Questions for a strong + sexy marriage

  • What's your biggest takeaway from this post?
  • Starting today, what's one thing you can do differently?
  • Say it: “My touch matters. I have healing hands. Miracle-working hands. They belong on my wife.”

Quotes worth pondering

  • “To touch can be to give life.” (Michelangelo Buonarroti)
  • “After years spent immersed in the science of touch, I can tell you that it's far more profound than we realize. Touch is our primary language of compassion and our primary means for spreading compassion. To deny it is to deprive ourselves of some of life’s greatest joys and deepest comforts.” (Dacher Keltner)
  • “Never make the one you love feel alone, especially when you're right there.” (Unknown)

​​​​For greater oomph

  • Read Chapter 4. You can download it for free below.
Reignite your sex life! Help for a sexless or sex-starved marriage.

Learn the #1 way husbands extinguish intimacy without even realizing it (plus bonus chapter!)


Get 2 free chapters
of Wife Magnet

Reignite your sex life! Help for a sexless or sex-starved marriage.

Move your marriage from cold-and-distant to close-and-intimate. I'll teach you how to win her heart back!

Jeff Borkoski. Speaker. Coach. Author of Amazon best-selling book Wife Magnet. Help for sexless and sex-starved marriages. Coaching for men and couples.

About the Author


Jeff is a passionate speaker and coach known for his obsession with helping men build strong and sexy marriages. He's a full-time dad, outdoor enthusiast, and raving fan of all things kombucha. When he's not oversharing on Facebook, you can find him in the mountains, the ocean, or Whole Foods.


Marriage Crisis Coaching

​​​​"He's stepped into the core of a woman." (ELIZABETH NEARY)


"It's like he was in my head the entire time!" (SHANNON RAYMOND)


"Guys, if you want to understand your wife, this is it!" (ANNY RUCH)


To the wife who feels alone in her marriage:

This isn't OK. You're turning into stone. You've had to stop caring when he looks at you, smiles at you, or says something kind. You've had to accept the reality of being invisible so it won't hurt so much.


How much longer can you do this?!


I have great news — Filing for divorce and fracturing your family isn't the only other option. I have a proven strategy to transform your current marriage into one that's sexy, fun, close, and intimate!


Click the button below to learn more.


Subscribe to blog

Have Jeff's latest content delivered straight to your inbox. Bringing sexy back has never been easier.


Contact Jeff

Book Jeff to speak at your next event, ask a question, or just say Hi. He personally responds to each request. 

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Why Husbands Should Touch Their Wives More

Physical touch between couples is beneficial for a number of reasons, and now we have scientific proof  pain relief is one of them. A recent study out of the University of Colorado Boulder shows that holding hands with your partner reduces pain.


Reduces pain!

The study stemmed from the real-life experience of neuroscientist and lead researcher, Pavel Goldstein. During his wife's labor and delivery of their daughter, he found that when he held her hand, her labor pains eased off. “My wife was in pain, and all I could think was, ‘What can I do to help her?’ I reached for her hand and it seemed to help,” he recalls. “I wanted to test it out in the lab: Can one really decrease pain with touch, and if so, how?”

The 22 couples enlisted for the study had been together for at least a year. Researchers monitored their brain waves while they were put through a series of scenarios — sitting in separate rooms, sitting together but not touching, and sitting together holding hands. Each scene was repeated while mild heat pain was applied to the forearm of the female participant.

When the couples were in the same room, whether or not they were touching, their brain waves synchronized. This syncing was the strongest when the pair were holding hands and the woman was in pain. When they weren't holding hands, the brain wave syncing declined and her pain intensified.

Goldstein explained to CU Boulder Today: “It appears that pain totally interrupts this interpersonal synchronization between couples, and touch brings it back.”

The study revealed another remarkable finding: When the man was more empathetic to his partner's pain, the syncing increased and her pain subsided even further.


“You may express empathy for a partner's pain, but without touch it may not be fully communicated,” Goldstein said.


I wanna hold your hand


Today's lesson:

Sitting on the same couch isn't enough.

Having dinner at the same table isn't enough.

Sleeping in the same bed isn't enough.

She needs you to touch her.

To hold her.

You.

You have healing hands.

Miracle-working hands.

Literally!

Your touch matters.

Holding her hand ... rubbing her shoulders ... giving her a long hug ... matters!

When your wife shares her pain with you — whether it's physical or emotional — she's not making small talk.

She's opening the door and inviting you in.

She's inviting you to move in her direction. To go deeper as a couple. To build greater bonds of trust and intimacy.

Now is not the time to run off. Now is not the time to check your phone. Now is the time to be present. Now is the time to listen with empathy.

Now is the time to hold her like you mean it.

So ...

Touch her.


Hold her.

As early and often as possible. Especially when she's in distress.

“And when I touch you I feel happy ... inside.”

Lennon & McCartney were onto something.


Questions for a strong + sexy marriage

  • What's your biggest takeaway from this post?
  • Starting today, what's one thing you can do differently?
  • Say it: “My touch matters. I have healing hands. Miracle-working hands. They belong on my wife.”

Quotes worth pondering

  • “To touch can be to give life.” (Michelangelo Buonarroti)
  • “After years spent immersed in the science of touch, I can tell you that it's far more profound than we realize. Touch is our primary language of compassion and our primary means for spreading compassion. To deny it is to deprive ourselves of some of life’s greatest joys and deepest comforts.” (Dacher Keltner)
  • “Never make the one you love feel alone, especially when you're right there.” (Unknown)

For greater oomph

  • Read Chapter 4. You can download it for free below (plus bonus chapter!)

Get 2 free chapters
of Wife Magnet

Move your marriage from cold-and-distant to close-and-intimate. I'll teach you how to win her heart back!

Jeff Borkoski. Speaker. Coach. Author of Amazon best-selling book Wife Magnet. Help for sexless and sex-starved marriages. Coaching for men and couples.

About the Author


Jeff is a passionate speaker and coach known for his obsession with helping men build strong and sexy marriages. He's a full-time dad, outdoor enthusiast, and raving fan of all things kombucha. When he's not oversharing on Facebook, you can find him in the mountains, the ocean, or Whole Foods.


Marriage Crisis Coaching

"He's stepped into the core of a woman." (ELIZABETH NEARY)


"It's like he was in my head the entire time!" (SHANNON RAYMOND)


"Guys, if you want to understand your wife, this is it!" (ANNY RUCH)


To the wife who feels alone in her marriage:

This isn't OK. You're turning into stone. You've had to stop caring when he looks at you, smiles at you, or says something kind. You've had to accept the reality of being invisible so it won't hurt so much.


How much longer can you do this?!


I have great news — Filing for divorce and fracturing your family isn't the only other option. I have a proven strategy to transform your current marriage into one that's sexy, fun, close, and intimate!


Click the button below to learn more.


Subscribe to blog

Have Jeff's latest content delivered straight to your inbox. Bringing sexy back has never been easier.


Contact Jeff

Book Jeff to speak at your next event, ask a question, or just say Hi. He personally responds to each request. 

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