Last week, one of the men in my private community (we’ll call him Dan) shared a story that will dramatically improve your marriage.
Here’s what happened …
Dan is chillin’ with his family when his cell phone rings. It’s their next-door neighbor. During the course of the phone call, Dan is gracious, kind, patient, and attentive. Like he’s filming a telephone etiquette video for Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The call ends and Dan’s wife — stunned by the sharp contrast in demeanor and tone between how Dan spoke to their neighbor and how he had spoken to her just 10 minutes prior — asks him this honest, tender, and powerful question:
Why don’t I get telephone voice?
So revealing, right?
- “I wish you’d treat me that way.”
- “I wish you’d light up when I ask you for something.”
- “I wish I was special.”
In his post to the group, Dan went on to say:
I made my wife feel like her requests weren’t important, because I acted like they weren’t. I would comply, but that’s just it — I would comply. No heart. No feeling. I just mindlessly performed the task. Often begrudgingly.
Most of us can relate.
When prompted or asked, we might put our phone down or unload the dishwasher or let her tell us about her day, but …
- We’re not happy about it
- We comply outwardly but grumble inwardly
- We make her feel wrong for asking
Worst of all — because she picks up on our sour attitude (which we think is undetectable) — we send the message every divorced man desperately wishes he could take back:
You’re not my priority. I’ll smile and be kind when I want sex, but even then, it’s just an act. Get used to it.
#winning losing
We would do well to remember the immortal words of Mary Tyler Moore:
It’s not what you do, but how you do it.
Put It to Work
- Resolve to treat your wife better than you treat the cashier at the grocery store, your neighbor, dentist, and kid’s soccer coach.
- “Unreasonable Generosity” is one of our 7 Core Commitments. Be generous to everyone, but be most generous toward your wife.
- Do one kind and thoughtful thing for your wife this week. Something that sends the message, “You’re my priority. Get used to it.”
- Stuck? Level-up and join How to Win Your Wife Back.
Your Coach,
